Return home?

October 2nd, 2022 — 5-6 PM

Mood: Indecisive
Listening to: Malice Mizer + MCR

Today, I got up at 1-ish as usual. I'd like to fix that soon, but it's the only time I feel truly alone so I am hesitant to give it up. My dad made chicken wings earlier, but I felt too sick to eat more than a few. I'm not even sick right now, but I guess it's just another episode...

I got a referral to a specialist finally. Unfortunately, since no doctors in my area specialize in this disorder, I have to travel all the way to Dallas...which I already hated before but now I hate even more after seeing their MCR setlist. Anyways. I'll likely go by plane because I'm not asking my parents to drive 3+ hours over there, and public transit is so bad I won't even consider it. This'll be my first time riding a plane, and my dad might come with, but either way...I'm very uneasy about it. It's only an hour long flight, thankfully, but I hate going to unknown places and doing big things; I have no control of it either, which makes it even worse. But! This popcorn company I really enjoy is based just 30 minutes from Dallas so I want to go there too.

Back to my MCR concert. It was so much fun! I really think I prefer Toyota Center over the ATT Center, even though this is my first time going to both (that I can remember). It was a lot more open, and I just really liked the overall vibe. And...oh, the concert itself was phenomenal. I got to properly enjoy it this time!! At the SA show, I sat down for ~75% of the show and was on the verge of passing out so much, but this time I barely sat down for like not even 3 songs maybe. I guess the stress of travelling ~3 hrs the same day didn't help me much last time, huh...that, and I made sure to drink a lot more water this time around. I even brought my beer salt with me! My seats were much farther out because I bought them so last minute, but I still got good photos and videos!!! And the guitar solo during was just as good live. Oh, and this time I got a physical ticket! I'm so happy.

I went to Walmart last night. It was just because I had ran out of film for my instax mini I got the other day, and I actually wasn't going to go at first. And I went to the record section, as usual, flipping through all the records in hopes that I'd see what I was looking for. I didn't have much hope, because I didn't find it at the ones in Stafford or Sugar Land, so why would it be in my tiny ass city? But just as I was about to leave, I saw there was a larger area of records. So I flipped through those too, not very serious. And towards the end, I was just looking through random stacks with no real motivation, until I saw it: the Bullets record. I thought I was dreaming. I think my heart skipped a beat, and it wasn't my condition this time. I gasped kind of loudly and probably looked a damn fool to the person who walked past me as my mouth was half open, and I picked it up frantically and began to tear up as I opened the telephone app to call my mother and tell her the good news.

Er. Well, that's a bit of a dramatic retelling, but I truly was so happy. Even at the register I was still shaking a bit as I ran it past the scanner. Now, I only have one rare dream CD left to obtain...! Many years ago (2016), Aniplex gave a bonus CD to everyone who bought all the Durarara!! X2 DVDs or BDs through them. What was this CD? More cover songs. And it just so happens that Orihara Izaya happens to sing one of the songs on you see where I'm going with this?

I've never seen it cheaper than in the low $300s online. Which is understandable, yes, but aghhhhh is it so frustrating. The first time I learned of this CD's existence was 2 years ago, which was already 4 years as a Durarara fan, so I was surprisingly late. After a bit of internet scouring, I managed to find a SNIPPET of all the songs. So I went through each of them. I was like yes yes these are nice songs. I thought Shizuo's was surpsingly depressing (then again his two other songs were as well so). And then I got to the final one: Izaya's. Had I been standing at the time of hearing it I would have fallen down and started rolling around and coughing up blood.

It was a love song...!!!

After a good few minutes of holding back tears, I swore to myself that I would hear the entire thing one day. It's a good thing I did not specify a time frame because it has been 2 years and I still have not heard the entire thing. I finished my drivers ed the other night after motiviating myself with the fact that I will be able to work therefore afford the CD, however, so it will be soon. I will be sure to thoroughly document my feelings for it. The song itself is really good too I've been a fan of the original since I heard Izaya's so double excitement!!

(6:38 PM) Actually, going back to that instax I mentioned earlier, I really like it. I've wanted one of these since I was like 11, so to finally have one is satisfying a nearly decade-long wish...! My first photo was a really bad photo of my Revenge CD btw... haha, I didn't get the framing and distance just yet. But even if a majority of my photos are kind of objectively bad, I still like them.

(9:32 PM) I was there to see dream reveal his face. It was like every other white boy I have seen before. I'm going to end this entry properly now after letting it sit while I go do 200 more things. Goodbye!

September 19th, 2022 — 9~11 PM

Mood: Happy
Listening to: Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge

Hello and welcome to my online diary! I don't expect to update this daily, but I do like to talk quite a bit so hopefully I won't abandon this...!

Today I didn't do much. Earlier, I went out with my dad to get yakisoba instead of pizza like I originally planned. I also went to a corner store and stocked up on this green tea I really love...I haven't seen it in stores in months so I'm forced to pay ridiclous prices at these places lol.

Next week is my second MCR concert...! I'm so excited. Last one I didn't get to enjoy to the fullest extent because I was busy worrying about if I was gonna pass out or not so I rly hope I can relax and get properly riled up at this one haha.

Hi sorry I just got distracted for 2 hrs it's 11:24 now. Anyways day after mcr is Genshin 3.1 update...! Scaramouche is coming back after another yr...wkwk

Actually now that I think abt it I'll prolly end up speaking a little jp here and there in at some point..I should add a jp text tag but I'm lazy lol

I'm not going to publish this site just yet, because it's still kind of ugly and messy and I want it to look better, but I'll likely put it up later this week. Speaking of, I'm supposed to go to the doctor's Wednesday (accidentally forgot to finish writing this lol sorry)